aka “Honey, this is not classified as retro.”
Have you ever been in a home that felt like a time warp? Or how about one where you just want to suggest a dumpster for starting over?
We’ve all seen them, and even maybe secretly been guilty too of harboring home interiors or decor items way past their shelf life. But sometimes the days turn into years, which turn into a need, a gentle nudge or a major interior intervention (for those so far out of touch). Below I provide a list for fun, but . . . in some extreme cases — you may actually have to print it, stealthily tack it to a frig, or even mail it postmarked from another town . . . .
(At Least 25) Signs it is Time to Update & Redecorate
- White or crème furniture with gold trim. (How was this ever right?)
- Country, mushrooms, hearts, ducks, or geese anywhere.
- Corrugated plastic lampshades, or only white lampshades, and any that were white and are now yellow-ish.
- Peach and lavender, peach and seafoam green, burgundy or dusty rose and hunter green or blue color schemes.
- Anything representing a wagon wheel or anything that is barrel-shaped.
- Upholstered furniture in a nubby plaid fabric of unknown origin that emits a weird odor.
- Window treatments more than 10 years old. The home must be eligible for historic register if to be claimed acceptable.
- Wallpaper borders in general are very dated, and wallcovering more than 10 years old.
- Wood furniture in golden or dark chocolate oak (this includes kitchen cabinets) especially with a shiny finish.
- Visible traffic patterns in flooring or seating.
- If the trendy accessories are over 10 years old. (see: Dust-filled dried flower arrangements.)
- If children are adults and their school pictures are still up on the wall. (This is just mean.)
- Using a set or suite of furniture in the same room.
- Drapery or pillows with ruffles.
- Do I even need to mention faux wood paneling and the multi-colored shag carpet?
- Phony stick-on brick made from non-brick material.
- Using an armoire to house a television. Everyone shows off a flat screen.
- Plants hanging from macramé hangers.
- Figurines, dolls, or more than 5 porcelain tchotchkes in any one room.
- Sponge painting or stenciling in non-period homes.
- Avocado green, butterscotch, gold, or brown appliances.
- Fluorescent under cabinet lighting. (editor’s Note: dang!)
- Black countertops and light wood cabinets, so 90’s.
- Any appliance over 10 yrs old is likely not energy efficient and costing you $$.
- Wood edges on countertops.
- Sink molded into a plastic shiny countertop.
- Metal rimmed sinks.
- Tile over 20 years old and in a color no-longer available.
- Colored tub or toilet.
And if faced with any arguments or lip, your answer is simply: “Honey, this is not classified as retro.”
These items are expected, even coveted, of course, when house shopping. They a great way for a prospective buyer to attempt to knock the price down. And hey, if it’s going to cost $60,000 to bring the kitchen into the current century or to remove the nasty foil wallpaper from every vertical surface (a.k.a new drywall), this is in fact an important negotiating point. But no matter what these are, these are items that just Got. To. Go. and STAT!
>> Are there any you would like to add?
Note from the hosts: *smiles* In describing her sense of humor to me The Decor Girl said, “. . . (it’s) sometimes a little wicked and harsh . . . .” And okay my memory isn’t great and maybe that was in fact paraphrased. We were discussing too what she might write for us, and I told her, “. . . How about something in your normal unabashed style.” On that, I think she delivered. I wanna say thanks to tDG, she is one of my faves, and we would love your comment down below. Enjoy! ~jb
All images via the DecorGirl.net.