Locked Away (Three Hairstyles)
My mothers sister was a beautician and a very good one. She did the whole families hair and when it came time for me, she would say: Sit still or I’ll cut you GD ear off. She also told me my hair was Kinky and said I had nigger hair. She defended her use of the word nigger by saying she worked alongside black people and this is how they talked with one another.
My hair was and still is curly. My father came from an interracial community on the outskirts of Dover, Delaware where African Americans, Native Americans and whoever else that happened to fall in love with someone from the small town of Cheswold, Delaware had inter bred.
My mom fell in love with my father and began the arrangements for a wedding reception in a local restaurant. She gave them her soon to be last name of Morgan. Not the Morgan’s of Cheswold? the manager asked. Yes my mother said. I am sorry we only allow white people to hold their receptions here. When my mother told my father about this he blew up. We are white he said and they found another place to celebrate their union. Ironically, I later worked in this same restaurant as a bartender.
My father had a thing for cowboy movies. His heroes spent a good deal of time fighting off make believe Indians. He wore Jeans and shirts with mother of pearl snaps. The older he got the more Native American he looked and yet he never once admitted to me that he was anything but white. When I was a teenager my grandfather died and at the funeral, we were surrounded by folks with smooth olive skin from the community of Cheswold. There was a gathering afterward and amidst stories of Pop Pop I asked Just what is our heritage?” The room went dead and my Aunt Alice said: We don’t like to talk about that.
My mom, Joan and her sister, Margaret were Jersey girls of mostly German and Dutch descent. They moved to Delaware together and my Auntie Marge truly was a heck of a beautician. In 1995 Auntie Marge had an aneurysm and I have been cutting my own hair ever since.
I have three hairstyles: None, long and in between.
I started out to write a post about shaving ones own head. I wanted to talk about how the razor was similar to a chisel in the way that you have to feel the work through the tool. But my thoughts and memories got the better of me as I shed my own locks. This is not too surprising as haircuts are something of a spiritual journey.
For anyone who has never shaved their own head, I highly recommend it.
- Love:
This entry was posted by Barry on July 22, 2010 at 5:11 am, and is filed under etc. Follow any responses to this post through RSS 2.0.You can leave a response or trackback from your own site.
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Thank you Mike,
In a way this post touches on topics you and I have riffed on before and I hope that it does not come across as angry. I was angry for a time but I am pretty over that now.
I am not a father myself but having experienced very high walls around the question of ones heritage has made me come to believe that it is a parents duty to learn as much as they can about family history. Because even if you would rather forget about the past you may just have a child who wants (or even needs) to know how their ancestors rolled ;-)
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#3 written by Paul 1 year ago
Good story Barry,
I am often asked if I have Indian blood because of my French background, who knows, never was curious about it but when I was growing up in Connecticut the really white people often told me their ancestors came over on the Mayflower……………………That must have been a big ship!I still remember cutting my shoulder length hair back in the early seventies, sometimes you just gotta do stuff like that, to get past the look and into the person.
Just stop there OK? I don’t wanna hear about you going naked with pictures, this is a family style site.
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Hey Paul,
Yes, a really big ship!
You know, I think many of us have way more swimming around in our gene pools than we realize. Real attraction seems to be fairly color blind.
Growing your hair out is another whole can of worms. It takes a lot of dedication to do it. Do you remember what made you decide to cut it off? I am not talking about the larger reason which you mentioned but more about the lead up to actually picking up the scissors. Your memory of it suggests there is a story there too.
Oh, and no need to worry, I won’t be taking any more off. I have always been a husky kid which instills a peculiar modesty all its own.
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My friend Rich over at Copywrite Ink (http://www.richardrbecker.com/) always writes More Words when he wants to add something to a post so I will borrow this and say:
More Words – Today I was thinking about my Aunts reason for using nigger so freely. She taught at a beauty school and it was true that about ninety percent of her students were black and I have to admit that to some extent I bought her story. There are many times I have heard that word bandied about almost lovingly between African American folks. As George Carlin was fond of pointing out, words have power because we give them power and because of their context. And it does make a lot of sense to take really powerful words and turn them upside down to shake the emotional currency out of their pockets.
I knew a black guy in college with the awesome name of Ramon Moses. He called all of his black friends nigger in fun. I remember a few of us got into a discussion about why it was OK for a black man to call a another black man that but not OK for a white man to do so. His answer was that it is different when it comes from a white man.
Sometime later, in the theatre company I worked with, there was one guy in the group, Stephen, who was black. We were a subversive bunch to some extent and guerilla theatre was something we were interested in. In guerilla theatre you go into a public space unannounced and start performing. Anyway, we used to joke with Steph that we could rent a table at the local farmer’s market and put Steph in chains on top of it and offer him up for sale. No Way Steph would say. Why not? I’d ask You can put me in chains and offer to sell me. That would be different Steph would say and you know what? He was right.
Finally, there is an older black man I work for now named John. John calls me Brother Barry and I take it as a compliment.
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#6 written by Paul 1 year ago
Shakespeare knew how to use words better than most people, Oscar Wilde also.
The importance of being Earnest cut through to the chase, funny and a social commentary in one.Short version story on cutting my hair,
I had finally achieved being an individual, I didn’t care what people thought anymore, I was comfortable being myself.I grew up inner city and didn’t call black friends niggers, as tight as we were that wasn’t ok, nor did I call Puerto Ricans Spics, Italians Wops, Jews Kikes, (although I did have other irreverent terms of endearment that could be used).
“To thine own self be true”
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Hey B,
This is an amazing post you know. I never shaved my locks, but I have shaven my mustache after many years and it was spiritual so to speak.
I decided to shave it off because the reasons for growing it and keeping it had changed. I realized I had a mustache for a lot of the reasons that weren’t valid (and you develop a fear factor of shaving it off).
I’m not big on fear so I shaved it off. I grew it back right away, because I learned I really did look better with it than without it (it detracts from my generous nose). But I’m not afraid to. I joke with my friends that for $50, I’ll be happy to do it anytime.
Great story, because there is a lot more here than haircut.
Best,
Rich-
Hi Rich,
Thank you, It is good to read your voice.
It is odd that no matter how many times I go through this cycle of hair to no hair there is magic in the air when I am taking it off.
I guess change itself is the spiritual component and often, as you pointed out, overcoming fears.
I heard some folks talking on the radio the other day about the lost of art of getting lost. The gist of the conversation was that our online life makes it much more difficult to re-invent ourselves than it used to be.
This might not be a bad thing because it forces our big changes to come from within.
I notice you have made quite a few changes of late and I like them a lot.
In the interest of full disclosure “More words” is not the only phrase I borrowed from your lexicon, I also frequently use “All my best”.
Thanks for yours,
-b
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Hey B,
I’m glad you like the changes being made on the site and our new review site. I’ve been following your work from time to time too and have always enjoyed how much you’ve grown, learned, and become a master storyteller.
And thanks for the smile. You’re probably one of the few people who know how “all my best” came to be.
All my best,
Rich -
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About Barry (41 posts)
I reside in slower, lower Delaware with my wife and our furry family. I am a carpenter and a building project manager.









b,
I thoroughly enjoyed this post, as I have with many you’ve shared before. The multitude of your reveals inspire me…to love this country more. Despite it’s many imperfections…character is what sets our society above and that comes of diversity.
Committed to making it a better place.
Thanks,
mjh