There is a line in a They Might Be Giants song which goes: If it weren’t for disappointments, I wouldn’t have any appointments. And while I cannot possibly claim that this is true in my own life, still it hurts to be sucker punched by fate. I am going to leave out the particulars of my situation and say only that I was waiting on some good news which turned inside out. I must have been feeling this way back in 1989 when I wrote the following:

HARDWARE 1

Facing west is always’ best for reason undefined
Tugging tales of sorrow won’t pull through for you tomorrow
and broken dreams can be mended with the right glue and time to set
It is not good enough to want what you want
You have to need what you want
If your flowers won’t grow
get under them and push
With fingers as a loom
weave the roots into a quilt that will keep you warm
and spring you out of bed morning and morning again
Spring when the clock strikes wet winter
Falling autumn
And close pressing summer
And some are more close and more pressing than others
Your others and others others are not all the same
Though similar and familiar
and this semblance
may bond
or separate
emulsifying you with others until you think you’re lost
But finding requires looking
like looking for quarters on the way to the 711
hoping to find enough that a treat will await you
a treat that will be good but gone
good and gone soon enough
So tomorrow you can spring up and try again

*

 

This old poem pings back to me across the years regularly. It is no surprise it popped into my mind as I began writing this piece about disappointment. It is nice to touch base with an earlier incarnation of ourselves and realize that there is a through line to the way we handle difficulty. Had I not included the poem, I most likely would have written a piece with much the same feeling. And, by ending it on an up note, I would have once again issued myself an emotional building permit to learn and grow from the situation.

Barry Morgan Building Permit